Division Equals Growth

Gomah and I were having lunch with a friend who is a parent to an only child. We were talking about our favorite thing about our lives. My friend turned to her son and told him he was her favorite thing. She tousled his hair and he took it in before returning to Gomah to resume the game they were playing. We went on about our lunch but something in me shifted in witnessing their interaction.
I realized I would never be able to tell any one of my children that they are the favorite thing about my life. How sad is that? I can collectively tell them they are my favorite thing. I can never tell them individually. I felt the weight of our large family for the first time. The strength and benefits I always carry with me. They have each other to talk bad about Lori and I while never allowing others to do the same. They have each other to confide in, grow old with, make decisions with, whisper in the night, yell in the day, learn how to fight, learn how to forgive and to love no matter what. On this day, I was confronted with the negative of our large family. The lose of time, lose of attention, divided parenting, parents that are often stretched thinner than we care to admit and the fact I can never look into any of my children's eyes, tousle their hair and tell them they are my single most favorite thing about my life.
So, this got me thinking about love and does it grow with connectedness or does it divide and lessen previous relationships. I started thinking in broader terms of commitments, friends and other sundry relationships. I can remember, in the second grade, I had a best friend who broke my heart because she opted to be best friends with someone else. We all want a best friend. A favorite. To be and to have.
I know our kids gain from one another what they lose in Lori and I because of our large family, but I do grieve the lose of time and attention we are unable to give each one. Sometimes love requires division so that it can grow in new ways. I am okay with that. Mostly.