We received an email from our director (Cheryl) yesterday stating that the children's paperwork has finally been corrected and is being sent to her. We are back to getting our local immigration office's approval and then getting the visa interview. Cheryl stated that the paperwork is done correctly this time. SOOOOO here's to hoping for smooth sailing from this point on. I feel relieved that the incorrect paperwork was corrected so quickly.
Changing subjects, Ben has been very anxious for the kids to arrive. He is talking about them more and asking lots of questions. Kennedy has been like that throughout the entire process. Ben was excited but it was not something he talked about like Kennedy does.
The other day I was laying in bed with him and he had a ton of questions about them. He asked if they had a mommy and daddy. My initial response was no. Horrible. The minute it was out of my mouth I felt a pain in my heart. How could I deny their birth parents? It still bothers me. I immediately told him that was not the right answer and that they did have a mommy and a daddy. In my defense, I was not prepared to have this conversation with a two year old. He asked if their mommy and daddy were going to live with us also. In my head I am thinking "where is Lori" but I am also thinking that the way this adoption has been going I would not be surprised if they showed up with their mother, father, cousins and aunts. That would at least explain the very high foster care costs.
Without going into all the details about their circumstance, my answer to him was this: Yes they do have parents. Parents that love them so much. Parents that realized they could not give them food to eat or take them to the doctor or protect them or buy them toys (trying to get on his level). I told him that their mommy and daddy wanted them to come live with us and help them take care of them. I told him that Mommy and I would be their new mommies, Kennedy would be their sister and he would be their brother. They will live with us forever. He simply nodded his head and was done with the conversation.
He did cry when he woke up from his nap because they were not here yet. I wish it were that easy. Take a nap and wake up and here they are.
I realized the waterdown version I gave to Ben is good for now. Eventually, when everyone is older, we will talk about the truth. We will hate it for the pain it caused and thank it for the healing that came from it. That is my hope for our kids and our family. If that doesn't happen we will all be in therapy for a very long time.
3 comments:
A sweet post. Adoption is wonderful, but there is always a sad side to it too. What a great conversation you had with Ben.
Deb
Shelby,
I think you did a good job with that conversation don't kick yourself there will be plenty of time down the road to explain it in depth. In the meantime, dream of being able to get the kids to take naps at all even if waking up does not get Ben his brother here immediately. Oh, and have you tried clicking your heels together? Just a thought! Do you hear that in the background - very faint, but definately there...I believe that is the F_ _ L _ _ _ winding up for her encore! Yes, Yes, I am certain she will belt out your tune VERY soon!
Valerie
This is a conversation we are all afraid of with our adopted children, but know is imminent. But, don't worry, they will be too distracted with flushing toilets and warm baths for awhile to ask the deep questions. At least that gives you some time to ponder it.
While I was waiting, I did think about asking the doctor to induce a coma until they got here. You could always look into that:)!!! Jess
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