Hour By Hour

People ask how we are doing and my response is "it depends on the hour". The kids have horrible tantrums. Tantrums where they spit, throw, hit, kick, scream and just today, added in for more fun, peeing, for hours. They were getting better. We felt like we had a handle on things. We don't. Gormah and Kennedy hate each other. I spend most of the day balancing between being firm and trying to avoid a tantrum. I am constantly trying to stay two steps ahead of them so I ensure appropriate transition time and have a chance to weigh out each answer and try to anticipate each situation. It is exhausting.

Ben is upset by all the conflict in the house. Kennedy is not happy.

The kids can be mean. They say whatever and often lash out physically. They are constantly comparing clothes, food, shoes, toys and making sure everything is equal. Look out if it is not.

Lori is miserable. I am miserable. It sucks. The biggest issue is that we have considered ourselves their parents and they see us as parents but we really do not have that established relationship. There is not that trust or knowing that they should and better do what we say. They do not feel secure. They do not know, or care, that when I look at them a certain way they need to change their behavior. They do not understand that there are consequences for their choices. Mostly, Kennedy and Ben do what we need them to do because they know and love us. Kuker and Gormah do not. They say they love us and I think, all things considered, they are happy here but we do not have that relationship with them yet. Establishing that relationship with children who have not a had a consistent relationship in their lives is like going to war. We hope to win small battles that help us gain ground. Every day is a new battle with new challenges.

There are hours that are good. The problem is we are either too tired or too busy trying to avoid the next fit to care. I can name many good things about Gormah and Kuker and I will in a later post, but right now I am done.
I know these things are normal. I know they will pass. I know things will get better and I will feel guilty for writing this but right now this is where we are. I started this thinking I was going to write down how I felt and not post it but I know that our friends and family reading this will take it for what it is. Therapy after a long, fit throwing day. So welcome to our world.